Avoiding a Wasteful Life by Nullifying Fear

Recently I've been thinking about futility and have felt compelled to share some thoughts and explore the topic further.

What is a futile effort? By definition, a futile effort is one which will never achieve its aims. I imagine a monk living a celibate life high up in a mountain monestary, far removed from myriad luxuries and pleasures, studying and chanting the years away. I think, "what a wasted life". It's unfortunate that piety is thought to be a virtue when the pious miss out on so much joy.

I suppose there's a distinction I need to make. That between a "wastful effort" and a "futile effort". A futile effort is made so strictly based upon whether a goal is not achievable. A wasted effort is determined as such by someone and that someone's set of values. It's largely a subjective determination. It's this wasted effort that I'd rather focus on. It's the notions of wasted time and energy that compels me to write today.

Let's take the concern over aesthetic perfection. Is it a waste to spend hour upon hour manicuring one's lawn? Clearly it is an enjoyable activity for many. But is it not also an obsession? If their yard was less than perfect, would they worry over it? Could one say that things which are satisfying because they are the avoidance of a negative feeling are bad things? If someone spends the whole of their life fearing that their lawn might look bad if they don't take tend to it 3 hours a day, or if they spend their whole life fearing eternal damnation if they don't confess and pay a tithe every Sunday, then might it be said that her life is a waste?

How is my life a waste? I mean, what activities do I participate in that are more a reaction to fear than a response to love or passion?

I'm not sure, but let's take my concern over the way I look. And let's take my interest in fashion as an extension of that. Upon initial reflection, I must say that I fear looking unattractive. I think that this fear does exist. I wear a hat not because I like the feeling of a hat and not because I think everyone looks better in a hat, but because I think I look better in a hat given that I have very little hair on the top of my head. More to the point, I fear being disliked because of the way I look when I'm not wearing a hat. I want others to be delighted when they see me, not distracted or repulsed by any physical imperfection. Perhaps more than the average person, I want others to be attracted to me. This might be able to be construed as a positive thing. I could be doing what I do because I want as many people to be attracted to me as possible. Or, in a negative sense, you might think that there is very little attraction between people in general, and I am afraid that that will extend to me. I am fighting it by making myself more attractive, you may choose to believe.

In many ways, this wanting the attraction and approval of others is very human, very normal. For me, it is more the wanting the attraction to me-my body, mind, and personality that I seek. Other's interest in the approval of others might have more to do with, say, their lawn or their righteousness.

It appears that one's desire for approval/attraction is based largely upon one's values. I value health, strength, beauty, and sexuality whereas someone else places the emphasis upon order, discipline, and nurturing. The man with an immaculate lawn would like others to see him as a man possessing these latter traits because he feels that they are the best traits of all.

Also, one may observe that the "lawn man" finds pleasure in the values he ranks highly, just as I find pleasure in physical beauty and health. Perhaps it is because I am young and virile that I care so much about appearances. Hrm, might as well put a positive spin on things, right?

So, the lawn man and I aren't all that different really. We both act out of fear to some degree.

"Act out of fear". What does that mean? Is it simply a cliche? No, it is very real. Fear and desire are the original, instinctual impetus for acting. It requires little thought to act out of fear, which is very good when danger is real and immediate but is terrible if danger does not exist.

The danger of not being loved or liked because one is unattractive is not a fabricated fear. It happens-or doesn't happen-all of the time. And yes, sometimes a great degree of approval is gained or lost based upon the condition of one's house and yard. Still, these fears are somewhat unjustified in that they are not fears of death or injury.

Upon deeper reflection I find the previous statement not entirely true. If one does not attract a mate, one will not continue to live through the survival of his seed. This conception of survival is only slightly less valid than the instinctual response to threats to one's "being life". (I call it "being life" to differentiate it from another valid conception of life. Life can also refer to the life continuing from parent to child, from generation to generation. Because each generation shares the same genes, and because the conception of a child does not involve a death but a merger and regeneration of two living cells, one would not be blamed for thinking that a "life" usually extends for thousands, if not millions of years.) Furthermore, I am sure that at many many points in human history, social/neighborly acceptance was critical for one's survival. Integration into a clan insured that a person would not be left to fend for himself and his family in a cold, dangerous wilderness or among enemies who wished to terminate people of his kind.

So, human behavior, even actions that seem to be a wasted effort (and often are), can always be linked in some way to the survival instinct.

Our challenge is identifying and shedding fear that is superfluous and irrational. Then our actions will more likely originate from positive desire.

The waste I've spoken of in this blog refers primarily to time. If making myself or my lawn attractive took little effort and time, it would hardly be a waste. Its rather obvious-the more time spent on something that is not necessary for your survival and that doesn't grant you greater joy or contentment, the more wasteful that activity. A general prescription then would be to work on being rid of all completely irrational fear, and to spend less time on those things which justify a little fear. When fear is somewhat justified, time spent on the activity should be kept to a minimum by doing the activity faster and more effeciently...

How do we spend our time, reacting to irrational fear or obsessing over fear embossed on our genes? Fear will always inform our choices to some degree. Our goal is to recognize that some things we do might be excessive responses to largely made-up or expired threats.