True Stories From the Bible; or, Did You Know? Part 1
The Truth About Heaven
Where do we go after we die? If we're good, we go to a place that lies just beyond the Pearly Gates, somewhere above us in the clouds, a place called Heaven...or so we're led to believe.
Actually, Heaven isn't as glorious as you might imagine. In fact, according to the Bible, its not even the place you go after you die (that would be the earth-and you'd return there as dust).
Heaven is a place between two waters: the waters above (!?) and the waters of the Earth (ocean and land). To put it plainly, Heaven is the Earth's atmosphere. Except, somehow, all the stars along with the Sun and Moon reside in the firmament of Heaven. Remember, Heaven is sandwiched between two waters. The great ocean above our heads must be the blue we see when we look up at the sky.
Genesis speaks of Heaven as a simple area of space-not of a paradise in which we'll spend an eternity feeding each other grapes directly from the vine...
Why God Made the Cosmos
God made every star, every galaxy, the Sun, the moon, all the planets-the entire universe-so that Man could receive signs and keep track of time. The universe is Man's Swatch Watch, his calendar, and his mirror ball.
The Moon is a Light, just like the Sun
God Can Get Burned Out On Work Too
God Is More Productive Some Days Than Others
One day, God made the entire Cosmos. The next day he only made every thing that lives in the air and sea.
Man is Master of Every Living Thing, And Every Living Thing Fears Man.
This necessarily includes mosquitoes, bacteria, great white sharks, polar bears, packs of wolves, wildebeest, snakes, spiders, thorns, and every other living thing that has, on occasion, demonstrated a talent for kicking our asses.
God Commanded Man to be a Vegetarian.
Man was Formed by Dust and Will Return to Dust. Also, Women Came From Man's Rib (the one that's missing).
Al Basrah, Iraq is the Garden of Eden.
Or at least it's very near there. Genesis lists four rivers that are branches of the river that runs through Eden. One of these is the Euphrates which converges with the Tigris and other major rivers in southern Iraq, near the Persian Gulf.
Snakes Eat Dust (Genesis 3;14)
Women Were Cursed By God
They are to be ruled over by their husbands, desire only their husbands, and have lots of children. Moreover, God wanted childbirth to be extremely painful, as punishment for offering fruit to Adam (or whatever the symbolic meaning of the story is...[as punishment for giving Adam the key to know good and evil]).
Forcing Men to Grow Food was God's Curse to Man
God May be a Member of a Club of Immortals
Genesis, Chapter 3 Verse 22 reads, "And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become one of us, to know good and evil..." God continues to say that there exists the possibility that Man could eat from the tree of life and live forever. To prevent this from happening, he kicks Man out of the garden and puts guards and defenses up around the tree of life.
Giants "Walked the Earth"
God Regretted Making Life
"Clean Beasts" and Birds were taken onto the Ark by the Seven, (Making Things A Little Crowded)
During the Flood, Birds Preserved The Seeds of All Species of Plants in Their Shit
The Flood was Caused By Underwater Fountains and Rain
Mountains are 15 Cubits High (Genesis 7:20)
The Ark Was 300 Cubits Long
After Killing Every Living Thing, God Realized That the Evil of Man is Completely Natural (Genesis 8:21)
God Commands the Death Sentence for Murderers
"Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed" (Genesis 9:6)
A Rainbow is a Sign of God's Promise to Man that He Would Never Again Kill Everything with a Great Flood
Noah Got Drunk and Passed Out Naked in His Tent (Genesis 9:21)
The Reason God Made All the Different Languages Was So That Man Would Not Achieve Too Much (Genesis 11:16)
Abram's Wife Was Extremely Hot.
Abram fooled the Pharaoh into thinking Abram's wife was Abram's sister. His wife then went to live/spend time with/seduce? the Pharaoh in order to gain supplies for Abram during a time of famine. God didn't like the fact that Pharaoh was seeing Abram's wife, so he sent a plague.
God Promised Abram that Abram's Seed Would be as Numerous as the Dust.
(Which is a lot)
Where do we go after we die? If we're good, we go to a place that lies just beyond the Pearly Gates, somewhere above us in the clouds, a place called Heaven...or so we're led to believe.
Actually, Heaven isn't as glorious as you might imagine. In fact, according to the Bible, its not even the place you go after you die (that would be the earth-and you'd return there as dust).
Heaven is a place between two waters: the waters above (!?) and the waters of the Earth (ocean and land). To put it plainly, Heaven is the Earth's atmosphere. Except, somehow, all the stars along with the Sun and Moon reside in the firmament of Heaven. Remember, Heaven is sandwiched between two waters. The great ocean above our heads must be the blue we see when we look up at the sky.
Genesis speaks of Heaven as a simple area of space-not of a paradise in which we'll spend an eternity feeding each other grapes directly from the vine...
Why God Made the Cosmos
God made every star, every galaxy, the Sun, the moon, all the planets-the entire universe-so that Man could receive signs and keep track of time. The universe is Man's Swatch Watch, his calendar, and his mirror ball.
The Moon is a Light, just like the Sun
God Can Get Burned Out On Work Too
God Is More Productive Some Days Than Others
One day, God made the entire Cosmos. The next day he only made every thing that lives in the air and sea.
Man is Master of Every Living Thing, And Every Living Thing Fears Man.
This necessarily includes mosquitoes, bacteria, great white sharks, polar bears, packs of wolves, wildebeest, snakes, spiders, thorns, and every other living thing that has, on occasion, demonstrated a talent for kicking our asses.
God Commanded Man to be a Vegetarian.
Man was Formed by Dust and Will Return to Dust. Also, Women Came From Man's Rib (the one that's missing).
Al Basrah, Iraq is the Garden of Eden.
Or at least it's very near there. Genesis lists four rivers that are branches of the river that runs through Eden. One of these is the Euphrates which converges with the Tigris and other major rivers in southern Iraq, near the Persian Gulf.
Snakes Eat Dust (Genesis 3;14)
Women Were Cursed By God
They are to be ruled over by their husbands, desire only their husbands, and have lots of children. Moreover, God wanted childbirth to be extremely painful, as punishment for offering fruit to Adam (or whatever the symbolic meaning of the story is...[as punishment for giving Adam the key to know good and evil]).
Forcing Men to Grow Food was God's Curse to Man
God May be a Member of a Club of Immortals
Genesis, Chapter 3 Verse 22 reads, "And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become one of us, to know good and evil..." God continues to say that there exists the possibility that Man could eat from the tree of life and live forever. To prevent this from happening, he kicks Man out of the garden and puts guards and defenses up around the tree of life.
Giants "Walked the Earth"
God Regretted Making Life
"Clean Beasts" and Birds were taken onto the Ark by the Seven, (Making Things A Little Crowded)
During the Flood, Birds Preserved The Seeds of All Species of Plants in Their Shit
The Flood was Caused By Underwater Fountains and Rain
Mountains are 15 Cubits High (Genesis 7:20)
The Ark Was 300 Cubits Long
After Killing Every Living Thing, God Realized That the Evil of Man is Completely Natural (Genesis 8:21)
God Commands the Death Sentence for Murderers
"Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed" (Genesis 9:6)
A Rainbow is a Sign of God's Promise to Man that He Would Never Again Kill Everything with a Great Flood
Noah Got Drunk and Passed Out Naked in His Tent (Genesis 9:21)
The Reason God Made All the Different Languages Was So That Man Would Not Achieve Too Much (Genesis 11:16)
Abram's Wife Was Extremely Hot.
Abram fooled the Pharaoh into thinking Abram's wife was Abram's sister. His wife then went to live/spend time with/seduce? the Pharaoh in order to gain supplies for Abram during a time of famine. God didn't like the fact that Pharaoh was seeing Abram's wife, so he sent a plague.
God Promised Abram that Abram's Seed Would be as Numerous as the Dust.
(Which is a lot)
posted by Josh at
1:18 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home